why do north americans and brits only ever seem to go on about how “convenient” it is that “everyone speaks english” in mainland europe and never about how utterly mortifying it is to be an english-speaker abroad, forcing service workers to speak your language even though you’re in their country?
this past weekend, tom and i travelled to germany to attend his friend’s wedding, and i was confronted once again by this uncomfortable feeling of entitlement and embarrassment that i first experienced when we visited belgium and the netherlands in 2023 and couldn’t speak a lick of french or dutch between us.
the fact that most people we interacted with in belgium, the netherlands, and now germany could understand english is immaterial… that’s not what this is about!!! this is about cultural imperialism!!! (and probably my own personal monolingual shame as a first-generation immigrant who has lost her mother tongue, but no need to get into all that…)
fortunately, as we were only in germany for 3 days, i didn’t feel so guilty for not learning to say much more than “wir sprechen kein deutsch” and “sprechen sie englisch?” (i particularly liked “wir sprechen kein deutsch” because i found the paradox amusing).
we got to our hotel in karlsruhe, baden-württemberg on friday afternoon, but the wedding wasn’t until saturday, so we had to fend for ourselves in a fairly unremarkable city that isn’t exactly known for being a tourist destination. after checking into our hotel, we took the tram to the “marktplatz” (market square) because tom wanted to buy a hat and i needed hair clips.
after exploring the marktplatz, we made our way over to karlsruhe palace. i liked how public the grounds felt, but couldn’t help observing that the landscaping was somewhat lacklustre — too much lawn and not enough everything else, like, trees, flower beds, topiaries, water features, and ornamental follies. you can’t have a garden without ornamental follies! (perhaps i’ve been spoiled by english gardens).
the next day, we went to the karlsruhe zoological gardens, which did restore some of my faith in german gardening. i had a wonderful time but have vowed to never set foot in another zoo again. they are rather depressing, even the decent ones.
the wedding ceremony was held at the family home of the bride, hülya*, in a small town just outside of karlsruhe. we got there early but didn’t know anyone and were too shy to approach the other guests who were all speaking either german or turkish to one another.
just before the ceremony began, we were both given copies of the speeches and vows translated into english so that we could follow along, which was very thoughtful and much appreciated. when hülya walked down the aisle with the groom, felix*, it was my first time seeing the two of them in-person, but i still cried as if we had all been childhood friends or something.
a drummer and flautist turned up after the ceremony and played traditional turkish music as we walked through the streets to the reception venue. i loved seeing the townspeople poke their heads out of windows and doors to watch the procession, some clapped along and cheered. the bride and her family danced all the way.
when we arrived at the venue, tom and i were seated at the “international” table, where we met the following cast of characters:
OSKAR* - german; one of felix’s colleagues. spoke to us at length about the places he’s lived and his newfound hobby (sailing) without needing much encouragement on our end.
HUGO* - also german and one of felix’s colleagues. seemed to know a lot about the fentanyl crisis in america? a smart dresser. attended the wedding with his girlfriend,
AGI* - lives in austria, possibly hungarian; hugo’s plus-one. the most elegant of the partygoers, i thought. polite and amiable but slightly detached.
INES* - originally from spain, where she was enrolled in german-language schools from a young age. now lives and works in germany; also one of felix’s colleagues.
*names altered for privacy
ines had recently split up with her partner of 4 years and was very candid about the details of the breakup with us. of all the guests at our table, i liked her the best. we exchanged numbers, and i might message her the next time we’re in germany to visit the newlyweds.
the food that evening was delicious and the music wasn’t as bad as we had feared. the song that got the most bodies on the dance floor was, without a doubt, “i love it” by icona pop, thus proving that it was big in germany after all. we had more speeches, games, coffee, and cake. i lost the miffy pin badge on my bag and then found it again. thanks to a taxi shortage in the area, it was 2:30am when we finally made it back to our hotel.
hard to believe that this time next week, we’ll be on the plane to our next wedding. i still feel completely pooped from this one!